How To Manage Strong Emotions

Fundamentally the issue isn’t that our emotions are too strong, but rather that we have not yet made ourselves a big enough container to be with our emotions. 

Often when someone can’t tolerate an emotion it is because the sensation of that emotion is too uncomfortable, and this leads to a need to discharge in some way. This could look like crying or exercising, however it can also come out as violence toward ourselves or another. Learning to make ourselves a bigger container so that we can be with bigger energy and hold more before we need to discharge is one of the offerings of the somatic work that I offer. That said, there remains the question of what to do when we start to become overtaken by a strong emotion.

This word “overtaken” is important, because when we can simply let our emotions move through us it is a very different experience than when we feel our emotions take over and run us. In the former we are letting energy move, in the latter energy is controlling our behavior, and often in ways that end up making the situation worse.

As a primer on how to manage strong emotions, what follows below are a few of the many ways to work with big emotion.

Opposite Action

Opposite action means that, under pressure, we are going to practice doing something different than we are conditioned to do. For example, if my strong emotion of social anxiety prevents me from being social in the ways I want, simply practicing being more social is one way to stretch my tolerance (and ability to tolerate the sensation) of the new desired behavior. This mostly works if you can first really connect with your values and “for the sake of what” that you want to change. When we are powerfully connected to something bigger than our fear (like our unyielding desire to broaden our social life) this can have the effect of forcing us to take risks and engage in actions aligned with our values. In this way we can essentially build up our capacity to expose ourselves to the discomfort of emotions. We can become comfortable in the uncomfortable.

The Dive Effect

Very often it is simply too challenging to will ourselves into the desired behavior, and we have to intervene in such a way as to change our physiology. The Dive Effect refers to an evidence-based way of working with our nervous system in which we splash cold water on our face or hold onto something frozen out of the freezer, essentially reseting a hyper-aroused nervous system. This can help take us out of a panic or fight/flight response.

Moving Energy

Fundamentally what we need to do with our overwhelm is move energy. This could mean going for a short run, doing push-ups, hitting the armrest of a couch with a towel, yelling out loud or into a pillow, taking several deep breaths or doing some breath work, etc. There are lots of options here and you can tailor them to your surroundings and your body. If we conceptualize our emotion as stuck in our body or simply larger than our body, then providing an outlet can be a powerful way to open the lid and let some steam out of the boiling pot.

Redirect Attention

May favorite approach to working with strong emotions - because it can be done anywhere and under any circumstances and helps condition us to live more fully in our bodies - is expanding our attention as a way to increase our ability to be with uncomfortable sensation. This could mean moving our attention to our senses outside of our body - noticing what we see, hear, smell, etc. This is about using the five senses to help us redirect our attention outside of ourselves.

Alternatively, if you can tolerate feeling in your body where the discomfort of the emotion lives, then simply taking your attention to an area of your body that feels secure and grounded can powerfully help shift your experience. As an example, if you are incredibly angry, and you notice that anger as a tightness in your chest and eyes, then taking your attention to an area of your body that feels relaxed and open, such as your feet, can be a way of creating more softening in your chest and eyes. This is because energy follows attention, and if you only focus on the tightness, you abandon the resilience offered to you in the rest of your body. By broadening your attention of what you can notice, you create more space for sensation to shift and, thus, more space to be with the discomfort.

There are many ways to manage strong emotions so that they don’t run you or take over your life. If you’re interested in exploring this path of creating change for yourself, schedule a somatic bodywork session today.