Somatic Bodywork For Better Relationships

A good somatic practitioner is also a good practice partner. As a coach and bodyworker, I’m not simply in the room to give you practices and suggestions or provide bodywork, I’m also there to offer assessments around how I see you showing up in the relationship. Because most of my clients have a goal that is at least somewhat related to having better quality relationships, how I see you in the relational space of our work together matters. Many of us overextend and work too hard at getting others to see us in such a way that it actually pushes others away; many others of us shrink or pull back from showing ourselves fully in such a way that it makes it hard to be felt by those we want to be closer to. When clients come in with a particular objective related to building connection, part of my job is to stay attuned to how they connect with me personally. In this sense, our sessions are also a great place to practice being invitational and communicative in the ways that you want to be.

A case study

Recently I was working with a client whose primary objective for bodywork and coaching was to become more skillful at building connection and intimacy. He had already done a lot of work to learn how to build strong relationships, and he also recognized that there was more for him to learn.

As I started the session I began by supporting him in letting go of tension primarily in his legs, where he said he felt the most stuck in his body. After some time, he said he could start to feel his legs much more alive, that the energy was moving more freely, and that he was experiencing an increased sense of relief and ease throughout this body. 

Keeping his objective for the session in mind, I decided to pause the work on his legs and simply place my hand over his chest, right above his heart. I asked him, “how connected do you feel to me right now, on a scale of 1-5?” Without hesitation, he said 5. Extremely connected. And while I could feel that this was true for him on some level, I also felt a sense that he was “reporting” to me, rather than deeply connecting with me and letting me really see and feel him.

Connecting more deeply

At this point, I asked the client to keep feeling and imagining more warmth and softness to be expressed through his face and to soften his voice as he practiced speaking about how he felt connected to me. As his voice and face softened, I personally felt more drawn in and I could more fully feel what he was experiencing inside. As I reflected this back to him, it increased his felt sense of being seen while feeling safe and connected at the same time, which was exactly what he was wanting more of in his life. These sorts of powerful experiences allow clients to feel how they can be in their body in such a way as to let others in more fully. In addition, they help settle our nervous system by creating a memory in the body of what it feels like to be safe, connected, and open, which is what many people want more of for themselves.

How I see you in our relationship helps inform our work together

As we often see in somatic bodywork and coaching, how the practitioner reads you and senses you becomes an important part of the work. Unlike many other modalities of bodywork, I am not just in the room to “do bodywork” on your body. The bodywork I offer is less about working on the body and more about working with the self through the body. And it’s a relationship: how you show up in connection with me is a window through which we can explore how you show up in relationship in general. 

Softening your body to build more intimacy and connection

For many clients - because of their history - letting others see their full range of felt emotions does not immediately feel safe. Fundamentally, they contain themselves in ways that can make it more challenging for others to feel them. In terms of somatic development, this means that the work should focus on what they can do in their body to allow for emotional expression that is in alignment with their internal experience. With this particular client, this meant specifically softening his voice and relaxing around his jaw and eyes to let others more fully see the warmth that he wanted them to see. 

Curious to explore how somatic bodywork can support you to build better relationships? Schedule a 30 minute free phone consultation to connect.