Somatic Coaching To Change Your Self-Narrative
We are nearly constantly running stories in our heads. Stories about ourselves, others, and the world in general. For many of my clients, at the core of our stories tends to be a highly judgmental, negative self-narrative. These often sound something like, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m a failure”, “I’m unlovable”. These self-narratives come from our history, and the important thing to understand is that they are not grounded in the present day; they are not real, and they can’t be proven. It’s important that the coaching goal we create together be a reflection of a new, supportive, life-affirming story about yourself.
Establishing the coaching goal
The fundamental question I have for all my first session clients is this: if our work together is successful, how will you be different? Coaching is all about moving toward your goals, your longings, and the vision you have for yourself. Often my clients aren’t yet sure what this is for them — they simply want to better manage their anxiety or get rid of their shame-based self-narrative. This is completely understandable. You may never have thought about how you want to show up different in your relationships and in your life. It’s common that the first couple of sessions we will spend some time getting clear on where we are going in our work together, and how we will know when we get there.
Framing the coaching goal as a declaration or new story
Coaching goals are sometimes best structured as a declaration. A declaration is a commitment to a possible future. In this work, we often speak our declarations using the structure, “I am a commitment to …”. For example, a client who wants to focus on being a better partner might speak “I am a commitment to being loving and present in my marriage”. For some people, this language structure helps them get clear that the goal is a way of being, in addition to a new story about themself. In somatics, the goal isn’t something distinct from the self that we go and get; the goal is how we want to show up differently as a person. For other clients, crafting their goal as a simple and direct new story about themselves serves them best. I currently have a couple of clients who have the goal of loving themselves. As such, the narrative I invite them to practice speaking to themselves is simply, “I love myself”.
Feeling the body and practicing speaking the new story
Typically in a first session I will teach (and we will practice) a short standing centering practice. I will guide us to stand and organize our body in length, width, and depth such that we are practicing being in a body that is as present, open, and connected as possible. We want to practice standing in a way where we are not holding or tightening in our muscles but instead allowing the skeleton to do the job of holding us upright. This allows for as much relaxation as possible. Because relaxed tissue can feel more sensation than contracted tissue, this allows for as much contact with our feeling and sensing self as possible. Standing in this way, I will invite you to speak the declaration or story you have crafted. We practice speaking it as if we mean it so that we can feel what it is like to embody this declaration or (commonly) what happens in our bodies that keeps us from fully expressing and speaking our declaration with conviction. For instance, many clients notice their chest or throat tightening as they speak their declaration out loud. This is normal, and it simply signals that we now have something new to practice!
Being intentional with our stories
We are nearly constantly running narrative in our heads, so we might as well practice running a script that supports us in moving in the direction we want. We become what we practice, so we want to be intentional with what we are practicing telling ourselves about ourselves. Feeling our body and speaking the story about ourselves we want to embody helps us get comfortable shaping ourselves to show up in the world the way we actually want to be. Schedule a phone call to learn more about virtual or in person somatic coaching with me.