Will I Be Comfortable With A Male Bodyworker?
Many of the people I work with - especially many of the women I work with - express a very understandable concern about receiving bodywork from a male identifying bodyworker. Historically, the bodywork professional at large has been dominated by female practitioners. Most people expect or are more comfortable with female bodyworkers, and many women have very well-earned reservations about working with men in this context.
Sexual assault and abuse leave a somatic imprint
The fact is that most of the women I work with have a history of sexual assault or abuse from men. As such, it can be something of a double-edged sword signing up for bodywork with a male practitioner. On the one hand, yes it can be more challenging. If you’ve had trauma of this sort, of course it can be more difficult to trust a man, especially in a context in which you will be talking about personal and intimate subject matters, and in which there will be any form of touch/bodywork. On the other hand (and as many women have shared with me) it is a powerful opportunity to create a different story about what it means to reestablish trust with yourself in choosing to work with a male identifying practitioner.
In the past few months alone, I have had several clients (all of which have either had previous sessions with me, or have granted me trust through my association with the Strozzi Institute) tell me that they have specifically chosen to have bodywork with me to help them heal from recent assaults from other male bodyworkers. It’s staggering and upsetting that these assaults have occurred in the context of bodywork, in which the entire premise for the work should be safety, attunement, consent, and trust. For these women in particular, it shows just how committed to their healing they are that they intentionally are choosing to create for themselves a new, life-affirming experience with a male bodyworker. In trusting themselves to work with a male bodyworker, they are refusing to be controlled by their history.
Trauma often requires slowing down
My experience as a male somatic bodyworker has revealed to me just how different of an experience it is for many clients to work with me, compared to my female colleagues. My identity matters. Much of the social and cultural conditioning around gender and sex is its own form of trauma, and many people have a personal history that adds extensively to this. For this reason, I often begin work with a new client simply by checking in with them by asking how their comfort level is working with a man. Depending on the response, I’ll often ask if there is anything they need from me, or any requests they have of me, regarding this issue. With bodywork, I always begin with verbal consent before placing my hands on a client, and I check in about the contact throughout the session. One of the most important things I strive to stay attuned to throughout every session (and what makes it somatic bodywork) is the comfort, trust, and nervous system of the client.
When trauma is a big enough component for a client, going slow is even more important. I’ve had numerous sessions in which I’ve never even made contact with my bodywork client in the entire first session; the very act of lying down on a table is powerful shift in the relational dynamics. It is a moment of intense vulnerability for many people. Somatically, there is a lot to work with in the very simple act of lying down.
If you’re curious about scheduling somatic bodywork or coaching but have concerns or questions about how it will be for you working with a man, I encourage you to read through my testimonials and schedule a free phone consultation. I look forward to hearing from you!