Somatic Release For Anger
Managing anger is one of the hardest things to do for many of my clients. Most of us grow up with anger management poorly modeled from our parents, culture, and institutions. This means that what is normal is either to “stuff down” our anger and ignore it (in which case it usually builds silently until it erupts) or to let our anger overtake us and then lash out and act aggressively. Both of these options break connection and deteriorate the trust we want to build with the people we are close to.
What is anger?
Anger is inevitable. It’s a core human emotion, and it’s a signal that we are feeling and alive and that we are getting close to something that matters to us. At the heart of anger is always something we value that feels under threat, and without anger we would not have the same instincts to protect what we care about. Managing our anger, however, is essential in order to prevent it from running us and dictating our behavior.
Somatically, anger is energy in the body that needs more space to move. We have to make ourselves a big enough container to be with our anger so that it is not bound up or stuck. Let’s take a look at some of the ways we can move this energy.
Releasing big and overwhelming anger
When we feel consumed by anger we need large, dynamic movements to move it. This can mean allowing yourself to yell or scream or engaging in some sort of physical exertion. Exercise - such as running or biking - that leaves you “spent” and a bit breathless is a great way to get it out. In my office, I might suggest to my client that we do some pad work (in which I hold the pads and coach them on elbow strikes) or some work with the escrima stick (in which they stand next to the massage table and strike the table hard with the stick). At home, you can substitute with a tightly rolled up towel: hold the ends of the towel and strike the end of a couch, bending at the knees and letting out noise or breath with each strike.
Perhaps most importantly, the invitation is to feel and sense your body to detect how your anger wants to move. Using your body as the guide, get curious what sort of expression this anger is yearning for. Almost always, there is some direction the anger is moving toward that can be felt in the tissues of your body.
Releasing frustration or mild anger
Throughout the day, we may notice more mild or moderate forms of anger (frustration, irritability, agitation, etc.) start to creep in. Notice your thoughts and emotions and what’s happening in your body to support yourself in detecting this before it builds into something bigger. Catching it early on is always best.
When you notice this form of anger, when of the first remedies is simply to take a deep breath. Remember: in though the nose, filling your belly fully, then chest, then an uncontrolled exhale through the mouth. Let your belly soften. Try bringing your shoulders up to your ears and squeezing/ holding for a moment before letting them drop down as a way to release tension in the trapezius muscles. See if you can relax your face and eyes; let the face muscles widen and drop down and imagine the eyes resting more fully in the back of the sockets.
Take action only after you are centered and grounded in your anger
It may be that after you have centered and softened your body, the anger dissipates and becomes a nonissue. Alternatively, it may very well be the case that there is some action, conversation, or behavior you need to engage in to support yourself in finding resolve around the issue that is making you angry. Perhaps you need to get involved with an organization, or have a conversation with your partner or a colleague.
Releasing anger somatically isn’t about not being angry. There is nothing wrong with your anger if you are centered and grounded with it and you feel it is appropriate. The invitation is to let it move in your body in such a way that you can be with it, rather it totally controlling you. You don’t want to let it eat at you, and you don’t want to come across to others as angry if it doesn’t serve you to do so. In other words, you want to manage it!
To learn more about somatic approaches to managing emotions and somatic bodywork, schedule a free consultation here.