Can Somatic Coaching Help With Anger?
As discussed in previous blogs, it’s not usually the anger itself that is the problem, but rather how we have conditioned ourselves to tighten or contain around it. The anger is experienced in the body as energy (sensations such as tingling, pulsing, vibrating, streaming, heat, etc.), and what I coach my clients on are new ways to both feel that energy and let it move through them. What we want are ways to move the energy that are more helpful such that we can maintain dignity for ourselves and those we are angry at.
Practices and bodywork help us feel how to move the energy
Very often we need reminding of what it feels like in our bodies when we are more relaxed and more freely letting energy move. Practices that involve dynamic movements, intense exercise, or loud breathwork or sounds can help us move the energy out so that we are not holding so much tension. These are practices that can be explored in session together and then repeated on your own. Over time, anything we practice will become more embodied, and you will be able to tolerate greater amounts of energy and sensation without necessarily needing to discharge it through these practices.
Being centered doesn’t mean we are always calm
The foundational practices I offer are designed to support my clients in being more grounded and centered. But one of the most common misconceptions is that being centered means that we feel more tranquil and at ease. This may happen (and for many people it does) but what it really means to be grounded and centered is that we are able to be with the full range of our emotional experiences without those emotions running us.
In the case of anger, most of us grew up with a model in which anger meant yelling and being aggressive and disrespectful. On the other end of the spectrum, many others grew up being taught that anger shouldn’t be expressed at all and that we should “stuff it”. The sweet spot - and the approach I advocate for - is being grounded in your anger such that you are neither repressing it nor letting it take over.
How many of us are well practiced in saying to someone, “I’m really upset with your actions and we need to talk about what happened” in a tone that communicates both anger and care? Ideally, expressing anger means that the other person can feel our seriousness and also feel that we are being respectful of them. Speaking and expressing in this way is a skill.
A case example: road rage
Anger at other drivers is perhaps the most relatable example I can think of, and it’s something that more than a few of my clients struggle with. One client in particular has learned to interrupt his reactive anger by pausing, taking a deep breath, and feeling his feet on the ground. This helps him relax his body, it helps bring him more into the present moment, and it moves his energy down so he is not so “hot headed”. Notice that it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is not angry; rather, he is able to be with his anger in a different way. He’s aware of his anger and managing it, rather than letting his anger control his actions. Being relaxed, in this context, doesn’t mean that we are shutting down our emotions or a need to communicate urgently. As odd as it may sound, there are times when it is perfectly appropriate to be both angry and relaxed at the same time.
Curious how somatic coaching can support you in connecting with your body in new and helpful ways? Schedule a free phone consultation today.