How Do I Feel Safe In My Body?
When a client speaks about wanting to feel more safe in their body, one of the first things we want to get curious about is what specifically they are noticing that produces the sense that they are unsafe. The self-assessment “I’m not safe” is what we call the “story” or the “self-narrative”, and in somatics we want to go underneath the story to explore what’s actually happening in the body. Because sensations give rise to narrative, there will most certainly be something happening internally that is helping to produce the thinking about whether or not we are safe.
Noticing tightness or contraction in the body
If what we notice in the body is a contraction or tightness, such as a tightening in the pelvic floor or the chest (to name just a couple of common examples), this indicates to us that this tension is in part generating a sense of fear. And this makes sense - we know, for instance, that holding tension in the neck and shoulders makes us much more prone to fear. Very often, clients with histories of assault or abuse have learned to be vigilant, and this vigilance is created in how they keep their body contracted. Through coaching, somatic practices, and bodywork, the invitation is to explore how to soften and let go around the contraction to support moving into a body that is more relaxed physically and, thus, psychologically.
Noticing energy in the body
Very often, fear is experienced as some sort of energy or sensation such as trembling, vibrating, heat, tingling, or any sort of similar movement in the body. If this is the case, we can become curious about how this sensation wants naturally to move or express. We can think of this as an energy wanting to be expressed through through the body, and we want to be curious about what it would look like for it to more fully “complete” in the direction it is headed. Energy moving could look like making noise, shaking, crying, or any number of ways to discharge. More often than not, because of someone’s history, they have learned to contain expression and are consequently in a holding pattern - not fully able to quell the energy, and also not willing to let it move and discharge.
Shifting the narrative about the fear
The primary thing to see in all of this is that “safe” or “not safe” is the label (the story) we have ascribed to the sensation. In this sense, the body sensation and the story have become jumbled in an unhelpful way. No doubt there was a time in one’s life when that particular sensation was associated with something dangerous or fearful, but that is no longer the case. For instance, I recently had a client who spoke of a rush of sensation in his chest as being fear. It “felt like” fear to him. But fear is just the story he has associated with that sensation; in reality, there is no object of the fear and in the moment there was nothing dangerous that was going to happen to him. In other words, the story of not being safe in the body is all smoke and mirrors. It’s a mirage.
Trusting the body to be with the energy
Allowing ourselves to let energy move in the body requires that we give over to the intelligence of the body and the body’s innate drive to heal. It means relaxing in the body enough to allow that expression - whatever form it takes - and knowing that our old story about feeling that uncomfortable sensation is just that: an old story. It is helpful to create a new story about what it means to be with those sensations we once called fear. If we feel that familiar heat in our chest, for example, rather than labeling it fear, we can remind ourselves that what is actually happening is that we have a lot of sensation in the body. In this way, we can practice befriending it rather than tensing or tightening around it. Ultimately, this supports us in crafting a new narrative about our experience as well as learning to rest in a body that is both relaxed and alive with energy.
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